


Darkness Assails

by EdosianOrchids901



Series: Plain Simple Prompts [21]
Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Angst, Claustrophobia, Flashbacks, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nightmares, POV First Person, POV Julian Bashir, Past Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-14
Updated: 2018-09-14
Packaged: 2019-07-12 04:04:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15987260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EdosianOrchids901/pseuds/EdosianOrchids901
Summary: Dialogue prompt: "Focus on me, okay?"





	Darkness Assails

**Author's Note:**

> Part of a series of ficlets based on dialogue prompts from Tumblr. Written 3/18.

It was the sounds that woke me – a gasping whine, followed by whimpering. Groggy, I reached out in the dark for my partner. “Elim?” I murmured, my voice rough with sleep. 

He trembled badly under my hand, still making soft noises of distress. Concerned, I pushed upright and put the lights on a low level, just enough for me to be able to see. 

“Garak.” I reached across him and found both his hands curled into fists on the blankets. Definitely a nightmare, then, which was sadly not an uncommon occurrence. 

He gave another low whine, huddling tighter. “Shhh, you’re okay,” I soothed, running my hand across his sleek hair. “Elim, it’s okay, easy.”

His breath caught, and every muscle in his body contracted. Convulsive tremors tore through him, shaking the entire bed. 

“Elim!” I slipped my hand under his head and eased him onto his back, then stroked hair away from his face. “Love, wake up. You’re having a nightmare, it’s not real. Garak?”

“No,” he gasped, thrashing. “No!”

“Garak!” I shook him, and he bolted upright, throwing his arms wide. “Hey, it’s okay. It’s okay, you’re safe.”

“No, no, get it off.” He twisted as I caught hold of his arms. “I can’t breathe, get it off!”

“Elim!” I captured his face in my hands, stilling his frantic movements. “Dearest, look at me! Look, it’s Julian.”

Panicked, disoriented eyes locked onto me. His lip trembled, and he struggled to speak. “Th-the walls. They fell.”

“It was just a dream, it’s okay.”

“No, it…” Garak jerked out of my grip, looking around in terror. “I can see it, it’s all caving in!”

“Hey, shhh.” I laid my hand on his cheek, redirecting his attention. “Focus on me, okay?”

He blinked several times, and then gave a soft sob. “Julian?”

“I’m right here.” I ran slow, gentle strokes across his clammy skin. “You’re okay, you’ve just had a nightmare.”

“No, it was real,” he insisted, gaze sliding away to the ceiling. “It was real, it all fell on me. I can still feel it, I can feel the rubble, I can…”

He sucked in a sharp breath, and I saw that I was losing him to his past. “Elim, look at me.” I grasped his quaking hand, giving a firm squeeze. “You are not on Tzenketh. You’re on DS9, with Julian. You had a bad dream, that’s all. You’re safe now.”

Another wave of tremors rolled over him, and he gritted his teeth. “I c-can’t breathe, I…” 

“Shh, I’m here.” I pressed my fingers to his temple, finding that his heartrate was completely out of control. “Garak, stay with me.”

He made a shattered attempt to draw breath, and something broke in his eyes. “No!” he cried, beginning to thrash. “Let me out!”

“Elim!” I touched his arm and he shoved me back with a gasp. “Shh, I’m not gonna hurt you.”

Dazed eyes wandered to me again. “I don’t know where I am, I can’t… Am I in the closet?” His voice came out weak, frightened. 

“Shhh…” Careful not to startle him, I reached out again. I could see that he was starting to go into some sort of shock, freezing up completely as his mind returned to the place where he’d been trapped so many times. 

This time, my touch didn’t worsen his fear. Instead, he licked his lips and looked at me, seemingly trying to identify me. “Julian?” he asked after a moment. 

“Yes, that’s right.” I slid a little closer and slipped my arm around his back, applying gentle pressure until he moved. “There we go, come here.”

With a whimper of relief, he huddled against me. “I thought…”

“I know, Elim.” I stroked his hair again, pressing my lips to his head. “You stay with me, okay? You’re safe now. I promise, no one’s gonna hurt you.”

His body trembled in my arms, and his breaths remained ragged. “Am I imagining you?” he whimpered. 

Deeply alarmed, I turned him just enough that he could see my face. “You’re not imagining me, I’m right here. Focus on me, Garak.”

Shame washed across him, and he turned back against my chest. “I’m sorry. I should be able to control myself, shouldn’t be getting lost in memory like this. I’m so weak and pathetic, I can’t believe I’m putting you through this.”

“Hush, no.” I began to rock him, my heart aching with sympathy. “You aren’t weak or pathetic, darling. You’ve had traumatic experiences, that’s all.”

“Years ago.” He sounded bitter now, huddling tighter against me, bracing as if afraid he was going to be struck. “A disciplined mind doesn’t come apart like this.”

“Hey, easy,” I soothed. Trying to calm him, I rubbed his back, and he gave a harsh flinch. I stilled immediately, not wanting to worsen his agitation. “It’s just Julian, you’re safe.”

“I dreamed about Tzenketh.” His hands knotted into fists on my shirt. “It was so real, Julian. It was happening all over. And then the closet… I thought Tain had locked me in the closet again.”

I clenched my jaw, trying to get myself under control. “You’re never gonna be locked in a closet again,” I said fiercely, holding him tighter. “You’re free of him.”

“But am I?” His quivering worsened. “All these years later, all this time, and he still haunts me. I’m never free of any of it. Not of anything done to me, nor of anything I’ve done.”

“You’re not alone anymore.” I cradled him closer, rocking slowly again. “I’m here with you, now. Tain, Tzenketh… the things in your past invade sometimes, I know. But I’m here for you, to help guide you back to me.”

Garak’s arms wrapped around me, and he pushed up enough that he could lay his head on my shoulder. I combed my fingers through his hair again, glad he was responding to me. It was always difficult to predict how he would react when he got like this. 

It was a long while before his tremors eased to just a slight quivering. At last, he drew a deeper breath. “Thank you, Julian.”

“Of course, darling.”

A few more shaky breaths. “I still feel quite ashamed of myself.”

“I know you do, but it’s okay. Really.”

He snorted. “It’s not. Really.”

I tried and failed to stifle a sigh. “Garak, come on. It’s not gonna do any good for you to beat yourself up about it. It’ll only make you feel worse.”

“Maybe I deserve to feel worse.” His hold tightened on me in what I recognized as desperation for stability and security. “I am a failure, after all.”

“Elim, stop.” I kissed his head again, restraining myself from a lecture. It wouldn’t help right now, only make him more agitated.

“Apologies.” He drew back, eyes darting to my face for an instant. Then he dropped his head again, unable to meet my gaze. “I’m behaving shamefully.”

“No, you’re not.” I gently wiped away the sweat that slicked his skin. “I don’t mind helping, okay? I never mind.”

He gave a faint, unconvincing smile, eyes still downcast. “You’re truly kind. I suppose I should let you get some rest.”

Keeping my touch light, I lifted his chin. He struggled to maintain eye contact, clearly upset and unsettled. “I’m not going back to sleep until you’re okay, really okay,” I murmured. “I can get by with less rest, it’s totally fine. You’re more important to me.”

His eyes misted, and he swallowed hard. “My dear Julian,” he whispered. “Even after all these years, I’m still not accustomed to…”

“To having someone care about you and be kind to you?”

Garak nodded, bringing his hand to my cheek. “Have I made it abundantly clear how very much I cherish you? I feel I neglect that, at times.”

“You’ve always made it clear. I know it’s hard for you to be expressive sometimes.” It infuriated me to think of how he’d been forced to shut down the best parts of himself for so many years. “But you try so hard, love. You always try so hard, and you’re so harsh with yourself. I accept and love you for who you are.”

He gave me another small smile. “I love you too. I very much appreciate your reassurances.” 

“And I’m happy to give them.” Seeing that he was calming, I leaned in and kissed his brow. “Do you wanna try to get a little more sleep?”

He shook his head. “Not yet, my dear. But I would like to be close to you. I’m afraid I still feel rather dazed.”

“Sure, that sounds lovely.” So, I leaned against the wall and coaxed Elim to my side, glad that he seemed to be mostly present with me, dazed or not. He snuggled against me with a contented sigh, and I smiled. There was nothing more rewarding than seeing him relax in my arms.


End file.
